No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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