so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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