Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
