the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
