I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
there is puke in my bra ... again
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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