Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
