Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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