dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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