the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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