Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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