WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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