Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
