I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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