I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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