she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
