I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
