I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
