I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
