Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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