Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
