Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
