I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
