Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
