you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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