Your tits are I can't wait for
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
