Have you finally orgasmed yet?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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