Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I cockslap morals
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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