I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
