I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
