so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
