I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
