Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
