I love black thongs
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
