The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
