Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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