i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
