well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
there is glitter all over my balls
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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