Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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