I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Did I show you my penis last night?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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