you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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