I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
