I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I need a beard to bite.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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