So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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