I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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