In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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