put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
