No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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