I just threw up on my dentist
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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