dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
