btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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