Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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