Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
