Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
